


Where Shopping is a Pleasure

by Littlenaga



Series: Insomnia [3]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Custom Cuts, It's very sanitary, M/M, Where shopping is a pleasure, Yuuri touches Viktor's meat, innuendos, meat - Freeform, publix, quality service, rating might change later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-22 21:15:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11388573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littlenaga/pseuds/Littlenaga
Summary: It was his third visit to the grocery store in a week, Viktor noted as he saw that beautiful crystal green store. In round, unthreatening letters were the words Publix, underneath it said Food & Pharmacy. Their logo “Where Shopping is a Pleasure” was all too true.Viktor power-walked to the meat section, trying to block out all the tempting deals of the week. He had come today for one thing and one thing only!“Excuse me, sir, but would you like me to cut your meat for you?”***Updated: Now with illustrations!***





	Where Shopping is a Pleasure

              

               It was his third visit to the grocery store in a week, Viktor noted as he saw that beautiful crystal green storefront. In round, unthreatening letters were the words 'Publix', underneath it said 'Food & Pharmacy' and they meant business. Their logo _“Where Shopping is a Pleasure”_ was all too true. At first he found it corny, but the phrase had been jumping in his head all day like a fox on a trampoline. The more he rolled it in his mind with the likeness of a lozenge on a sweet tooth’s tongue, the more he truly believed it.

               He grabbed a dark green basket after he powered through those automatic double doors. With a whoosh, the air conditioning breezing past lowered his external body temperature, but did nothing to stop the growing heat inside his core-homeostasis. There were huge white stands blooming like rectangular white flowers in the front with this week’s latest deals being the nectar inside, but Viktor stepped right past them, although he carded the sick BOGO deal on instant microwaveable macaroni and cheese in the back of his mind for later. But, before he could take another step forward, something caught in his peripherals called him back. He stopped in his tracks and a lady holding freshly bought sandwich meat very narrowly avoided colliding into him, screaming. Like a snake following a flute, he looked back at the deals longingly with eyes of want. Maybe he’d come back for the bogo on Applewood smoked bacon and maybe the deal on proteins bars and maybe the deal on the brand of pickles that he liked and also maybe the deal on… Fuck. Viktor backpedaled in shame, taking four of everything.

               He looked down at his green basket now. The black plastic handles were straining, turning white with stress in some places. Originally, he didn’t even come to buy any of the stuff in the basket. The power of deals was too great. He wanted to hit himself. He had done the same thing his past two visits and if he did this a fourth time it might cut into next week’s paycheck.

               Now that everything up front was taken care of, Viktor power walked to the meat section. Squinting his eyes so he could give himself tunnel vision, he speeded right past the other dangerous deals hiding within the aisles like huge yellow moral eels snapping viciously at him. Some of the colorful paper bogo tags waved to him like a siren's call, trying to lick his arms as he passed by. Viktor walked faster sweating with self-restraint and trying to block out the limited time offers. He came here for one thing and one thing only!

               He grabbed one of the largest chunks of meat from the beef section before heading to Custom Cuts. You could see a few meat workers working buzzing around inside from behind the just barely frosted plastic panes. They were working on dismantling a chunk of meat, probably from the flank of a local cow, into marketable pieces. Viktor watched, mesmerized as the pieces were deboned with surgical precision before being handed off to a talented meat artisan, utilizing the huge silver meat-cutting machine to slice them into even pieces like chops and steaks. He watched silently, waiting to be noticed by someone.

               “Excuse me, sir, but would you like me to cut your meat for you?” chimed a professionally clean voice behind him.

                Viktor turned around startled at the voice and it was his lucky day, just like it had been his lucky day for the past two days. His name tag read ‘Yuuri’. The green Publix employee apron he was wearing right now hid his slight pudgy belly but there was an unmistakable chubbiness to his cheeks to make up for it. His skin was clear, so fair too. Skin care regiments probably took him at least half an hour a night and Viktor knew that it wasn’t just a result of superhuman genetics. Yuuri had to have put a lot of effort into caring for his skin because he was wearing a glossy lip balm again today, and there was always a slight sheen to his cheeks. But this wasn’t the end, no, there was so much more. So much more to love! Astounding eyes, this close he could see they were brown, not black. A pair of blue-rimmed spectacles always rested on his nose making him look so adorable with his eyes slightly magnified. So, SO ADORABLE! Let it be known that Publix had the most handsome employee in the state! No, _the world!_

                When he came back from his intricate praise for raw beauty, Yuuri was still looking up at him, his lips parting and closing, forming words that Viktor could only imagine, ears picking up nothing. He suddenly realized that he had been staring at the poor man with an elated expression on his face. Just... just silently staring at him happily. Like a freak. Smiling down like a pervert hanging over a pretty lady in a subway.

               “Yes?” he said still dazed, not sure exactly what he was agreeing to. Then, Yuuri was looking down and moving forward with his hands outreached and moving fast towards his… _his crotch?_! Oh my goodness, that was a bit too forward for him!

               Eyes widening and mouth opening in shock he jumped back with a strange sound leaving his gaping face. To think that such a pure looking man would have such impure intentions! Sure, shopping was supposed to be a pleasure here but he didn’t think it meant _sexual pleasure!_

               Yuuri looked flustered as he jerked back, just as startled. “I’m sorry!” he said, voice going high. “I shouldn’t have reached out for it like that! Can you give me your meat, sir? I’ll cut it for you really quickly.” He said with 100% sincerity and customer satisfaction in his voice.

               ‘He wanted to do _what_ with my _what_ now?’ Viktor thought, still in a state of shock. ‘Did he just refer to it as _meat_?’ Feeling just a little bit bewildered Viktor moved his hand defensively over his crotch area before realizing that he was still holding the huge beef chunk he’d taken on auto-pilot. Now it looked like he was smooshing a huge flank of red beef onto his junk. That would _definitely_ give him brownie points with the cute Custom Cuts boy. Oh yeah, Viktor, make him handle your meat after you’ve just publicly rubbed it over your dick while staring him down with crazy eyes! That’ll really make him want you. Want you behind bars, that is.

               Feeling like the creepiest man on earth, Viktor sheepishly handed Yuuri the beef chunk who took it with both hands. Yuuri looked at the meat which was being held delicately in his hands, inspecting it carefully. Viktor knew exactly what he was thinking right now. Poor man was probably wondering if he could get an STD from it, but didn’t want to be impolite. He said a soft ‘thank you’ before escaping back behind the custom cuts windows, taking Viktor’s meat with him.

               Viktor’s eyes followed Yuuri as he walked further into the custom cuts place until he lamentably disappeared to a cutting machine that could not be seen from the public viewing window. Viktor even leaned forward and went to the farthest corner possible to try to find an angle where he could see Yuuri doing unimaginable things to his meat like, say, cutting it for example. Looking through the windows like this, Viktor found himself chilled by the cold air blowing from the meat products. He shivered, lamenting that he hadn't brought a jacket for his stakeout. As he breathed warm air against the plexiglass, it condensed creating a small fog. 

               Phichit, who was one of the workers working on the machine in front of the viewing window, turned and saw Viktor being an absolute creep, lurking at the corner with his face pressed against the glass and breathing heavily like a child in a candy store. He followed Viktor’s line of sight to his boss, an older Italian man by the name of Celestino. When he looked back at Viktor, he could see that he was staring at Celestino’s ass with a very intense look on his face. With _desire._ The worker made a disturbed face, sticking his tongue out in disgust before going back to debone his slab of cow.

               “Celestino,” Phichit whispered, clandestine, “I think there’s a man at the window staring at your _derriere_ with this hungry look in his eyes. Should I make him go away?”

               “Ha ha ha! I still got it! Do what makes you happy, my boy.” Celestino replied while looking at his own ass self-satisfactorily.

               Phichit regretted telling him anything but went to deal with the creepy window cat anyways. He put his meat-cutter on safety mode before heading towards the strange intruding customer. 

               “Can I help you?” he asked as if questioning the customer's sanity while sliding back the window. Viktor, who was too engrossed in Yuuri’s leaving form, nearly jumped out of his skin-almost crashing into the stand of baked goods behind him.

               “ _Oh, you scared me!_ And no thank you, I’m already being helped.” Viktor said, waving Phichit off.

               _‘Yah, helping yourself to some kind of sick eye candy’_ Phichit wanted to retort. Instead he settled for something more tactful. “You know,” he said conspiratorially with one eyebrow raised, his voice becoming hush so it was just out of Celestino’s hearing. “I hear that there’s a sale _on Italian sausage_ next week.”

               “Pardon?” Viktor asked, momentarily confused. Was he speaking to him in code? “I’m not big on Italian sausage, but thank you.”

               “No, no, no.” Phichit said, shaking his head. “I said, there’s a _sale_ on _Italian sausages_. Something that might _really be of interest to you_.” Phichit winked at Viktor, although he was starting to feel sick at his own words. He had to power through! _Who was he to stand in the way of love?!_ “Do you want his work hours?”

 

               “???” Thankfully Viktor didn’t have to reply because Yuuri came up to the window moments later with his meat cut into nice cubic chunks and repackaged with care.

               “Here you go sir.” He said while handing him back his meat and fixing his glasses with his arms, the only things which were clean of meat juice. It was so pure, he looked like he just murdered someone but, it was so pure. Viktor had never felt such an arousal beating in his most important muscle. His heart.

               Smiling like the sun, he threw up his hands in joy before taking the outstretched package from Yuuri. “Thank you Yuuri! You always handle my meat so perfectly. You’re the best!” He placed the package into his already overflowing cart.

               “O-oh, it’s not a problem Viktor. It was a pleasure handling your meat.” Yuuri said shyly, rubbing his hands together as his face tinged just slightly pink. “Come again.”

               Without any more justifiable reason to stay, Viktor left the custom cuts station with a skip in his step. Phichit turned to his friend with an inquisitive look. Yuuri, who was usually a diligent worker, stopped and stared at Viktor for several moments until he disappeared down an aisle. Suddenly, everything clicked into place. Oh, Phichit was gonna give him hell. 

               “Heyyyyyy, Yuuri. Didn’t he come here several times this week already? He asked for you yesterday too. You must be very skilled at handling meat to impress him this much.” Phichit said with a knowing look on his face, eyebrows wiggling with sexual innuendo.

               “It’s not like that!” Yuuri said, blushing more. “I’m sure he just really likes to eat meat so he buys a lot at once because its cheaper…” he said, not quite believing his own logic. No one eats twenty pounds of beef in a week. 

               “That’s weird” Phichit said, a shit-eating grin on his face as he peered at Yuuri with bad intent. “You don’t really look like a beefcake.”

               "Phichit!" Yuuri squawked, going completely red before running back to his station so he could go back to hiding his feelings in the meat processor, Phichit cackling all the while.

               At the checkout line, Viktor sneezed. The force of his nose exodus caused him to jerk the basket, handles straining under the pressure until they snapped like spaghetti, scattering all his deals at his feet. Looking down at the small food mountain on top of his boat shoes, he felt that he had truly been defeated. 

**Author's Note:**

> Viktor's such a slut for Publix. Specifically custom cuts. Just let Yuuri do his job and give him your number or something. How much money are you willing to spend on your meat, holy cow. 
> 
> Lol, but for real, please shop at your local Publix- where shopping is a pleasure- if you have one. They are life-changing. The meat workers are really nice and will cut your meat in whatever way that pleases you (if possible)
> 
> Pls leave comments/kudos if this amused you and if you work at Publix feel free to tell me something exciting about it. 
> 
> P.S: Phichit was used to block a random human in the picture (if you didn't see him on mobile you have to swipe left b/c I couldn't compress the pics w/o messing them up)
> 
> P.S.S: I taught myself how to use Gimp today for this. Life lesson, you can do anything with a YouTube tutorial and enough ambition.
> 
> Tumblr: [mileenadelanoche](mileenadelanoche.tumblr.com)


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